Illicit Relationships in the Light of Islam (Freely Mixing / Friendship)
Islam is a complete way of life and it gives appropriate guidance for each and every facet of life. It covers even the smallest areas where guidance is required including relationships. The rulings that are laid regarding dealings with people are with regards to blood relatives as well as other associations. Islam is a deen that promotes purity and transparency in all walks of life, be it friendship, love or simple interaction between people.
Islam stresses upon the Muslims to love and respect especially those relationships which form the foundation of a family and eventually the society as a whole. For example, the relationship between a husband and a wife, a mother and a son, a father and a daughter, a brother and a sister, an uncle and niece are all to be established on the basis of purity and love.
Islam renders all other association between man and woman as non-mahram other than those just mentioned. A mahram is a person with whom marriage is not permissible. With the concept of ‘mahram’ and ‘non-mahram’ some ground rules are laid down in interactions and dealings between a man and a woman. Few of them are for women and few are for men. For example, a woman is prohibited to display/expose her beauty and body to a non-mahram man. She must cover herself when in the presence of non-mahram. Additionally, seclusion of a man and woman without a third present (khilwa) , any physical contact between them, freely mixing with each other, living together or to have any kind of physical relationship is completely prohibited.
These prohibitions have been laid down by our Creator Allah (عَزَّوَجَلَّ) who gave us the religion Islam and who is the Owner and the Sustainer of us all. Allah (عَزَّوَجَلَّ) has created us and only He knows what is right and what is harmful for us. He has laid down these prohibitions for safeguarding the chastity and honor of both Muslim men and women.
Men and women have been created with a natural inclination towards each other. Additonally, every soul has been created with ‘Nafs-e-Ammara’. Within us is a part of our nafs that incites us towards sins and vice. It propels us towards indecency and hence all the sinful acts are due to this. It is due to this part of the nafs that wrong deeds exist in the world in the first place. To completely protect us from wicked deeds and sins, the cause must be removed altogether. Here the cause being that part of us which incites us towards evil, our nafs that calls us to evil.
Islam not only prohibits sinful deeds but also prohibits things which may even lead us to the wrong. Among the things which lead men and women to wrong acts are mixing freely with each other, women displaying their beauty in front of non-mahram men, women not doing hijab and both meeting in seclusion and doing all things to attract the opposite gender.
In a society filled with thieves and robbers, there is always a danger of valuables being robbed. Hence, it becomes essential to not only protect the valuables, but to also take effective measures to keep every valuable from being exposed to all kinds of dangers. In fact, many measures should be adopted to find every means of protection. This need of wanting protection for valuable is one that cannot be disputed or denied by anyone. It is but logical to want this kind of safeguarding.
In Islam, men and women are considered priceless. Women, especially as compared to men are created delicate and full of beauty. At the same time none can really deny that a woman, in essence, is created to be naturally and physically weaker than a man. Hence, she may not be able to protect herself in all situations. Hence, hijab has been made mandatory for a woman as an extra precaution. This has been made so that she may be protected and safeguarded from all evil and all kinds of danger. Additionally, this ruling is to protect her beauty, honor and chastity.
However, all these restrictions do not mean that non-mahram men and women cannot talk to each other or be in the presence of another at the time when it is required for them to interact. Rather, they may communicate and even carry out things of khayr (goodness/charity) as long as they are not alone together and meet all other conditions of Islamic laws including that of covering for women. The work that may be carried out include all acts of charity, medical consultation, education etc. This is the beauty of our Deen, that it allows for provisions where it is required and abstains us from the wrong only for our protection. Therefore, for the success and benefit of our homes and a healthy society, we must fully accept the Islamic Jurisprudence and the will of our Creator and submit to it.
Also keep in mind that where Islamic teachings lays down the required prohibition of freely mixing between non-mahram men and women, they also provide an honorable and decent way for a man and woman to live with each other under the relationship of nikah (marriage). So nikah is that bond which allows the husband and wife to maintain that relationship which is otherwise forbidden.
When a man truly wants to get married to the woman, Islamic law allows both to get to know each other and see if they are compatible with one another. They may be done by following Islamic guidelines of hijab and having a chaperone with them. This may be done for a short period of time until they know whether they would like to start a life together after which then they must seek to establish this bond by a nikah. This bond of nikah will ensure support of Allah (عَزَّوَجَلَّ). The relationship then becomes pure, blessed and fully acceptable by the society.
So far it is established that Islam views friendship and relationships between non-mahram as unacceptable and indecent act.
Allah (عَزَّوَجَلَّ) describes such people in the Qur’an as follows:
فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ ۚ
“So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their due compensation [i.e., mahr] according to what is acceptable. [They should be] chaste, neither [of] those who commit unlawful intercourse randomly nor those who take [secret] lovers.”
[An-Nisa 4:25]
Allah (عَزَّوَجَلَّ) while giving permission to Muslim men to marry the Christian and Jew women.
وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ مِنَ الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ إِذَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ وَلَا مُتَّخِذِي أَخْدَانٍ ۗ
“And [lawful in marriage are] chaste women from among the believers and chaste women from among those who were given the Scripture before you, when you have given them their due compensation, desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse or taking [secret] lovers.”
[Al-Ma’ida 5:5]
Allah (عَزَّوَجَلَّ), our Creator and Owner, the King of kings, has decreed in these two verses that the friendships between non-mahram men and women without any decreed relationship as impure and in contrast to piety and chastity.
When we analyze these verses from the Qur’an, we see that the first reference of Surah An-Nisa is of illicit relations/secret relations with respect to female slaves. In Surah Al-Ma’ida, the reference is towards Muslim men and the Jew and Christian women. Muslim women are mentioned in both these verses. For the Muslim women, the description of being ‘chaste’ is specified for them. This points out that nothing impure is even imaginable with regards to Muslim women. A true believing woman would not think of doing anything indecent or out of character.
Islam- a Religion of Honor
Allah (عَزَّوَجَلَّ) has the most gheerah (sense of honor) in the universe. Gheerah can be described as ‘having a sense of earnest concern or zeal over something’ and can be considered a kind of “protective jealousy.” In Islam, this is considered praiseworthy. After Allah (عَزَّوَجَلَّ) who has the most gheerah, is the gheerah of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and then of the prophets. The rest of the believers then follow. Every single person who has even an atom’s weight of iman in his heart will have this sense of honor and protection. A Muslim man’s honor demands that he cannot even imagine that his mahram women is in a wrong kind of relationship with any non-mahram man. If even such a thought is shameful, then can one actually see or allow such immoral things to happen for his daughter, wife, sister or mother? For any man to tolerate indecencies for his mahram women, his daughters and sisters, to indulge in Valentine’s Day activities or suchlike, one must be completely devoid of any gheerah. Islam is such a beautiful way of life, that it teaches us to have honor and respect for chastity for others too as we have for ourselves and families.
What makes Islam such a beautiful and just religion is that it enjoins honor and respect for all alike. What a Muslim man wants for his wife, sister, mother or mahram relations, he needs to follow the same respect for other women. He is not exempt to follow another order outside of his home while desiring something in contrast for his own family.
In a hadith it is stated Abu Umamah (رَضِيَ ٱللَّٰهُ عَنْهُ) reported:
A young man came to the Prophet ﷺ and said, “O Messenger of Allah, give me permission to commit adultery.” The people turned to rebuke him, saying, “Quiet! Quiet!” The Prophet ﷺ said, “Come here.” The young man came close and he told him to sit down. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Would you like that for your mother?” The man said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet ﷺ said, “Neither would people like it for their mothers. Would you like that for your daughter?” The man said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet ﷺ said, “Neither would people like it for their daughters. Would you like that for your sister?” The man said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet ﷺ said, “Neither would people like it for their sisters. Would you like that for your aunts?” The man said, “No, by Allah, may I be sacrificed for you.” The Prophet ﷺ said, “Neither would people like it for their aunts.” Then, the Prophet ﷺ placed his hand on him and he said, “O Allah, forgive his sins, purify his heart, and guard his chastity.” After that, the young man never again inclined to anything sinful.
(Musnad Aḥmad 22211)
The lesson of Islam is for all people. What we wish for our families, we want the same for other women. We don’t indulge in any such occasion that calls for expressing love in any other way than what Allah (عَزَّوَجَلَّ) has ordained for us to be a halal and healthy lifestyle. I have tried to address the evils that have crept into the society today especially understanding the trials that our youth are facing. We ask Allah (عَزَّوَجَلَّ) to help and guide them. Aameen.
